Quotes
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Groucho Marx
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.
Josh Billings
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
Erma Bombeck
A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
George Bernard Shaw
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
Groucho Marx
A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.
Bob Hope
A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.
H. L. Mencken
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
Steven Wright
A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.
Yogi Berra
A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
Bill Cosby
Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper.
Mark Twain
Airplanes may kill you, but they ain't likely to hurt you.
Satchel Paige
Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
Groucho Marx
All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.
Casey Stengel
All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
Charles M. Schulz
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
Bill Cosby
Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
Hedy Lamarr
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Groucho Marx
As I get older, I just prefer to knit.
Tracey Ullman
Be able to go shopping for a bathing suit and not become depressed afterward.
Marilyn vos Savant
Groucho Marx
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.
Josh Billings
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
Erma Bombeck
A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
George Bernard Shaw
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
Groucho Marx
A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.
Bob Hope
A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.
H. L. Mencken
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
Steven Wright
A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.
Yogi Berra
A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
Bill Cosby
Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper.
Mark Twain
Airplanes may kill you, but they ain't likely to hurt you.
Satchel Paige
Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
Groucho Marx
All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.
Casey Stengel
All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
Charles M. Schulz
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
Bill Cosby
Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
Hedy Lamarr
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Groucho Marx
As I get older, I just prefer to knit.
Tracey Ullman
Be able to go shopping for a bathing suit and not become depressed afterward.
Marilyn vos Savant
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
Mae West
Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I'm afraid it did.
Bette Davis
By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.
Mark Twain
California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
Fred Allen
Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
P. J. O'Rourke
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Steven Wright
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
Steven Wright
Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.
Jay Leno
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
George Burns
Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
Robert Benchley
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
George Carlin
Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.
Josh Billings
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
P. J. O'Rourke
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright
Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.
Victor Hugo
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
Bill Cosby
Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
Fran Lebowitz
For your information, I would like to ask a question.
Samuel Goldwyn
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
Mark Twain
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
Mark Twain
Mae West
Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I'm afraid it did.
Bette Davis
By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.
Mark Twain
California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
Fred Allen
Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
P. J. O'Rourke
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Steven Wright
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
Steven Wright
Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.
Jay Leno
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
George Burns
Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
Robert Benchley
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
George Carlin
Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.
Josh Billings
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
P. J. O'Rourke
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright
Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.
Victor Hugo
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
Bill Cosby
Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
Fran Lebowitz
For your information, I would like to ask a question.
Samuel Goldwyn
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
Mark Twain
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
Mark Twain
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