Amusing Quotes Attributed to Famous People

• Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. Carl Gustav Jung
  
• Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious. Brendan Gill
  
• As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take the course he will. He will be sure to repent. Socrates
  
• Experience is that marvellous thing that enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again. F. P. Jones
  
• Books are fatal: they are the curse of the human race. Nine-tenths of existing books are nonsense, and the clever books are the refutation of that nonsense. Benjamin Disraeli
  
• Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed. Benjamin Franklin
  
• Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new. Albert Einstein
  
• How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg. Abraham Lincoln
  
• (Asked shortly before a tour to Vietnam if he was worth 50 million dollars) If I had $50 million, I wouldn't go to Vietnam; I'd send for it. Bob Hope
  
• A letter is an unannounced visit, the postman the agent of rude surprises. One ought to reserve an hour a week for receiving letters and afterwards take a bath. Friedrich Nietzsche
  
• A good novel tells us the truth about it's hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author. G. K. Chesterton
  
• Baseball has the great advantage over cricket of being sooner ended. George Bernard Shaw
  
• My reputation grows with every failure. George Bernard Shaw
  
• An order that can be misunderstood will be misunderstood. Napoleon Bonaparte
  
• Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. Oscar Wilde
  
• There are some sluggish men who are improved by drinking; as there are fruits that are not good until they are rotten. Samuel Johnson
  
• How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven. Spike Milligan
  
• To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered. Voltaire
  
• I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally. W. C. Fields
  
• History will be kind to me for I intend to write it. Winston Churchill
  
• It was such a lovely day I thought it a pity to get up. Somerset Maugham
  
• I seldom think of politics more than 18 hours a day. Lyndon Johnson
  
• Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. George Carlin
  
• I've had a wonderful evening, ... but this wasn't it. Groucho Marx
  
• I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members. Groucho Marx
  
• I never think of the future - it comes soon enough. Albert Einstein
  
• Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else. James M. Barrie
  
• All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident. Arthur Schopenhauer
  
• Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. Robert Orben
  
• Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time. Steven Wright
  
• It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up, because by that time I was too famous. Robert Benchley
  
• I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. Rodney Dangerfield
  
• A man has to live with himself, and he should see to it that he always has good company. Charles Evans Hughes
  
• My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden. Eric Morecambe
  
• Arrogant and right is surely better than humble and wrong. Geoff Arbuthnot
  
• At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if I'm not there I carry on as usual. Partick Moore
  
• Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. Will Rogers